March 31, 2008

I Baked Bread, So Don’t Break Up!

by Kayoko


When the routine bites hard
/ And ambitions are low
And the resentment rides high
/ But emotions won’t grow
And we’re changing our ways/ Taking different roads
Then love, love will tear us apart again
- Joy Division

Recently, a few of my closest friends have been going through devastating breakups- couples who have been together for 3 years, 5 years, 7 YEARS.

Why the sudden onslaught of break-ups? Let me tell you: it’s March.

March is a shameless adulteress who cheats on Winter with Spring. March makes promises of Spring, but refuses to abandon Winter entirely. This leaves people anxious, restless, sick of being housebound. While they wait around for warm weather, they begin pondering profound subjects such as their “lives”, “meaning”, and “existence”. The first thing to go is always the relationship.

Oh, I know all about the heartbreaks that March brings. Rewind to 2005. He threw an outrageous tantrum, paced back and forth in my living room for 2 hours, gave me back my keys, and slammed the front door. I watched the whole scene from the couch. Yes, it was a mess. Yes, we broke up- for real this time. Yes, it was in March.

Breaking up blows. Can I get an AMEN?

So to celebrate the final days of this miserable month, and to somehow spiritually reach out to all those in tragic break-up mode, I baked bread with Stacy and Amy this weekend. (Stacy just got married. Amy is a Serial Craig’s List Dater. I rush home on Friday nights to watch LOST by myself).

Can you imagine me, Kayoko– the clumsiest, most impatient anti-baker ever– baking bread? It’s unheard of, I know, but it was glorious!

Baking bread must be the most loving form of food creating- you must nurture it, let it grow, play with it, and keep a close eye on it, in order for it to reach its full potential. I LOVED this entire process- it is super easy, economical, and you feel like you are a part of a secret society (Amy: “People have been baking bread for thousands of years!”).

We baked three types of bread (links to recipes): the ever-magical “No-Knead Bread” from Bittman and the Sullivan Street Bakery, Focaccia from Delicious Days, and two loaves of Honey Wheat from All Recipes. You need to let the first two rise for at least 12 hours.

Here are the ingredients for all 3 recipes. This is it!Yeast before:
Yeast after- check out that head!:
Here is an easy to follow Bittman video for the No-Knead Bread that you should watch before starting. Bittman is the messiah.

Preparations for the No-Knead and focaccia:

19 hours later- It has RISEN! This is the No-Knead:

Throw No-Knead dough in a hot cast iron pot:
Almost there- about 40 minutes into it. We needed to constantly check on it:

It’s done! What a beauty- I would say that it took about 70 minutes for this to thoroughly finish. You need to keep tapping the top until you get a hollow sound at all angles. This was perfect- just shy of being burnt, golden crust, spongy inside- PERFECT:
Focaccia- also need to let this dough rise overnight. It didn’t rise as much as we wanted, but it was fine. We added roasted zucchini, peppers, and fresh rosemary on top. Genius! It was delicious:

Honey-wheat. This did not need to rise overnight. Next time, we will grease the measuring cup before pouring in the honey:

Kneading with love. Stacy said it felt like a baby. It did! Had this supple, bouncy flesh-like feel. This may have been the funnest part, the kneading, pulling and pounding. Tip: let dough rise in warmer-than-room temperature, Amy said. So close the doors and windows.

This recipe makes so much dough!
Buttering the top:
Almost done:
I had to leave before the honey-wheat came out, which was sad. But Stacy sent me these pictures. Look at these- they could be entered into pageants!
We all agreed that the No-Knead loaf was better than anything you could buy in the city (I’m sorry, but I shouldn’t have to trek into Soho for a baguette from Balthazar). As Amy said, it was elastic, spongy. It had depth. The crust was perfectly done- crunchy, hard, but not burnt. Ideal sandwich bread.

The focaccia was also awesome- not too greasy, just nicely coated with olive oil. I highly recommend adding the peppers- it adds some acidity, which balances out the oil.

About the honey-wheat, Stacy said: “Texture is rich and soft. Sweet in the best way!!” Sorry to miss it.

Baking bread was actually one of my 2008 resolutions. It was one of those daunting tasks that I had been fearing- it seems like such a pain in the ass! But I’ve learned that all you need is a little bit of time, and willingness to nurture it for an afternoon. It’s that simple. You too can be a part of this secret society.

A word to the wise: next time you want to break-up with your partners, bake bread together. I think it might help. No talking, just kneading. Or No-Kneading. This should inevitably lead to hot, passionate sex on the kitchen floor. YESSS!

Starting tomorrow, break-ups should officially be put on hold until March 2009.

LOVE happenings to look forward to in April:
- Wong Kar Wai’s My Blueberry Nights is released in the US
- After a 11 year “break-up”, Portishead’s new album Third officially comes out
- New episodes of LOST (Desmond and Penny!)
- Tulips! (my favorite, hint hint)
- My BIRTHDAY!!! Let’s all make out!

In 2 of the 5 above films, the doomed couples do not get back together in the end. The first three people to email me which films wins a prize! Email answers to umamimart@gmail.com

Film montage starting at top: © United Artists; © Focus Features; © Golden Harvest Co.; © New Line Cinema; © 20th Century Fox.

10 Comments

  • erin
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 11:46 am

    love this post! i am now inspired to make the no-knead loaf. it looks so profesh! and tasty. (man, did i choose the wrong month to go on a lo carb diet. )

  • Jon Sublet
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 1:46 pm

    i am doing the honey wheat this weekend. i can already taste a turkey and avocado sandwich on the honey wheat bread!!

  • Amy
    Posted March 31, 2008 at 2:19 pm

    I would like to point out that Stacy and I have been friends since the third grade with no break ups or drama. We have survived many a March together.

  • 1minutefilmreview
    Posted April 4, 2008 at 4:39 am

    Wow, many memorable moments! We can see Eternal Sunshine, Annie Hall, Happy Together, etc. Nice!

  • kayoko
    Posted April 4, 2008 at 7:36 am

    how are people not mentioning the NOTEBOOK? friggin greatest guilty pleasure ever. if you are a hater, or claim you’ve never seen it, or say you didn’t cry, you are a LIAR.

    it’s hiding in my closet right now.

  • Anonymous
    Posted April 4, 2008 at 12:04 pm

    Wow!!! So I’m not sure which is more pathetic, the fact that I am not having sex or the fact that Kayoko thinks baking bread is just as much fun as having sex?….but no quite as much fun as watching LOST of course.

    The way you describe the baking process…”this supple, bouncy flesh-like feel. This may have been the funnest part, the kneading, pulling and pounding. Tip: let dough rise”

    I have a tip: the pounding is the funnest part!!!
    So although kneading bread can be fun, it can’t take away the need for sex.

    Sorry for the pun!!!

    I think it’s about time we all put the dough away, go out and get us some…and I’m not talking about baked goods. March is cold but it’s NY, April is going to be cold too. We need some hot bodies next to us, not warm-full-of-carbs bread. Because eventhough it is still cold outside, eventually it will be warm enough to wear a bikini again and I personally don’t want to see sweet, fleshy, honey loaf on my ass in 2 months.

  • kayoko
    Posted April 5, 2008 at 8:16 am

    i have been CALLED OUT! you’re totes right though Anonymous- baking bread is now the new handjob. it just is. sounds like you could used some of these baking techniques though, for real. just embrace it.

    think of it this way- Woody Allen says “Don’t knock masturbation, it’s sex with someone I love.” well, so is baking bread.

    and i’m sorry but going out to “meet people” is so overrated, and i’m over it. i was at a bar in the Lower East Side last saturday, and we had guys “tapping” our shoulders to say “hello”. silence. i don’t know which was more fucked up- the fact that they looked like teenagers, or that we were by far the oldest people at the bar.

    it better be something pretty spectacular to get me off the couch on my LOST nights. Jack, Sawyer, Said and Desmond. a freezer full of bananas. that’s all i need.

  • kayoko
    Posted April 5, 2008 at 10:21 am

    wow i just realized that the whole “freezer full of bananas” bit sounds just plain wrong. wow. that’s awesome.

  • sara
    Posted April 6, 2008 at 10:01 am

    Kayoko. We were not the oldest people in the bar. Bryon’s friends were at least three years older!!

    The notebook rules and I got an awesome mixed cd from kayoko for answering the quiz right.

    I’m too lazy to bake bread. What does that say about my sex life??

  • kayoko
    Posted April 6, 2008 at 10:33 am

    sara- i’m about to go get a tattoo of that Woody quote onto my arm– wanna get it together? maybe we can get a discount.

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