Holiday Gift Guide
Have you seen Food Network programs recently? It's getting to be a bit too much.

Even if I am not watching, I have the channel on, and here and there I see a good recipe or two that I recreate. Also I watched Chefography the other day about the history the channel itself, and it was kind of fascinating.

Don't get me wrong, I still watch it and love it. Paula's usage of butter and mayo are just unbelievable. 30 minutes meal is interesting because every evening, 6pm show is usually her post- getting-her-own-show self, with a TON of makeup on, but the 6:30pm show are the old episodes from when she was fresh and cute. Tyler's Ultimate is sad because he is now a fat guy. Bobby is still the same arrogant asshole, grilling in his pad in Queens. Emeril finally stopped using "Bang!", thank god.

Having said that...

Giada De Laurentis has been good making her heritage Italian Food. I have tried many of her Italian dishes and they are one of the tastiest dishes I've created. Yes she looks like a porn star, with cleavage always showing, yet her professional culinary background is legitimate enough that I can wipe away her boobage and concentrate on the food creation.

Now she has a show called "Giada at Home". The other day's episode was a bit too offensive. The title of the episode was "California Sushi". I know a lot of chefs incorporate fusion into their cooking, adding soy sauce on this, fish sauce on that, but Giada, I was totally shocked and disappointed to see you going out of your Italian heritage, especially making mediocre sushi. She first made Vietnamese rice paper roll with spicy mayo, chili and fish sauce, then crab avocado inside out roll, and finally salmon hand roll. Soy sauce, nori, sushi rice (which she got from a restaurant, totally offended me) are not something you should fuck with. Making sushi roll at home is one thing, but unless you know how to do it professionally, please don't make sushi on TV.

Giada, please keep yourself soaked in tomato. That's how you look the best.

Another sort of fun and crazy program is Barefoot Contessa. Ina Garten has been always gay friendly, but recently, it's a bit too much. Her show might have to be on LOGO channel instead of Food Network.

The other day's episode, she was having coffee with this hot middle aged guy T.R., and Kirk, and they decided to have a potluck dinner at T. R.'s house in East Hamptons. Ina was making main course, T.R. making dessert, and Kirk bringing wine.

It wasn't a usual cooking show, it had a story line! So Ina cooks short ribs and corn bread, without any problem. T. R., who has been on her show here and there is a character. Instead of being a guest of the dinner parties, he always speaks, looking at the camera. He must be some of the executive's bitch or something. I have to say, though, he is screaming HOT!

Anyhow, he was making meringue with fruit sauce for dessert. They even show how he made the sauce in his dinky kitchen, and when he was about to make meringue, he realized he needed to rest meringue overnight. He freaked out and rushed to town's bakery, desperately asking for meringue. To make it even worse, the owner of the bakery says, "Oh, T. R., I don't know if we have any more meringue left, I have to check," then come back and says, "Good news! I found three meringues", and T.R. was in JOY, and he runs out with meringues, and the owner quietly says "well... that will be $12..."

Kirk played a very minor role, but brought a very expensive bottle of wine.

Ina, I love you for being the biggest fag hag on the channel, but please keep your show more focused on actual cooking. T.R., you are hot, but not a Food Network star, and don't even think about grabbing your own show.


  • i haven't seen the offending ep of giada's show (i actually have not seen ANY eps of that show, LOL), but i can imagine and sympathize…

    this is the reason that i BARELY watch fn anymore, and when i do, it's via OnDemand… i <3 ina, too, and agree w/ you about her friends playing either no or very minor roles, but her food is always good. i also like alton, but that's about it. oh, i like 'diners, drive-ins, and dives' but CANNOT STAND guy fieri ~ only my love of a good diner makes his show watchable. :)) i am a saturday-morning-on-pbs girl w/ lydia b., julia c., and jacques p.

    kayce. on

  • “5 seconds delay Live cooking with Yamahomo” might work so that they can beep out all the swearing, haha. There are more Latino shows recently, yet Ming Tsai has been the only Asian (who is not on FN any more) chef.. We need an authentic Japanese person to host a show, don’t you think? Japanese are too shy to be on TV. NOT ME! Pick me pick me!

    Yamahomo on

  • i have been watching the old school cooking show from Japan called “3 Minute Cooking.” always really interesting, innovative ideas of how to make meals on the run.

    Yama, let’s make you a Food Network star. they would not dare air it on PBS. let’s do it!!!

    kayoko on

  • I am more distracted by Giada’s super short T-Rex arms than her chest. I only like her and Ina but I don’t have tv. Doesn’t anyone remember Great Chefs of America/Great Chefs of the World? That was the best, I used to watch that when I was in middle school…very very dry and interesting.

    Sonja on

  • The Food NOTwork has been crappy for quite some time now, and they’re still descending further and faster than ever. They’ve managed to weed out almost every serious talent and replace them with average joe shows. And the few big names who still have their shows, like Bobby Flay, are sent to various corners of the country doing showdowns and throwdowns with obscure citizens who happen to be the “Maple Syrup King” or “Diva of Jerk Chicken,” or the “Duke of Bullshit BLTs” and the like.

    I think it started with guy Fiero, though he’s actually tolerable to me, douchebag hair notwithstanding. Or maybe it has to do with this obsession with the idea of reality tv, where the average idiot can become famous b/c they have a broadband connection and no shame.

    It’s unbelievable that the best food shows are on the Bravo (Top Chef) and Travel Channel (No Reservations and Bizarre Foods). It’s not even worth going down the list of shows they have, because almost all of them suck hard.

    Iron Chef America is the only one I still have my DVR set to record b/c I get to see amazing culinary feats, despite the fact that it has horrible production, and absolutely deplorable, disrespectful, and self-centered judges. And in the case of ICA, I think that’s the only place on Food NOTwork that you get to see Batali anymore. Nowadays if you want to catch him you have to switch to PBS.

    Ultimately I’m not sure why they don’t get it. I would be floored and perplexed to learn that their ratings are not lower than they used to be. The shit is bizarre. Rachel Ray is the absolute worst. Fuck her.

    Paystyle on

  • I used to love unwinding to the Food Network 4 years ago, before I moved to Japan. I have to say that after been absent in front of American TV since then, I miss it. But these developments you describe were my worst fears four years ago. I definitely saw the budding signs of Tyler blowing up like filo dough in an oven and Rachel going from Target-ish to Bebe-ish.

    yoko on

  • paystyle i think we are soulmates, LOL. agreed on all points except ICA ~ hatesit. i prefer the REAL (read: japanese) IC despite the fact that morimoto is my culinary idol and i respect the hell out of batali<BR/><BR/>sonja OMG I USED TO BE OBSESSED W/ GREAT CHEFS! i still watch it like crazy on youtube! it is not as good as i remember it being, if that makes any sense, but i still love it!

    @kayoko i also <3 ace of cakes ~ he's so adorable and creative!

    PS: my captcha is so much more than perfect: misoluva (NO KIDDING)!!! LMAO. =))

    kayce. on

  • Sara and I are watching ACE OF CAKES right now and it rocks!!!

    kayoko on

  • CJ, don’t even go to Sandra.. “Cocktail time” gives me chill every time. I see the point of 70% store bought, 30% home made, but not from her. I do like Ace of Cakes, but their actual cake making skills are nothing compared to Colette Peters or other highly respected cake decorators. As Paystyle points out, FN is all about character, not about culinary skill any more.

    Yamahomo on

  • oh, Emeril still uses “BAM!” (not bang) but his show is ending soon.
    Tyler is a good cook, and I always like a little chubbiness. What bothers me is the new production methods of showing a “lifestyle” instead of just cooking. One of Ina’s entertaining tips was to have appetizers in the back yard, dinner in the living room, and desert on the porch. This made me feel very poor. Same with Giada – who likes her drinks and footbaths by the pool, lunch on the porch, and then some shopping in Beverly Hills. I do like the plump “cooking loft” lady though – at least she teaches you something.

    Jud-san on

  • I still throw on the food network from time to time.

    Giada is ridiculous and I am excited you bring it up so I can share my favorite youtube video ever:

    Also – have you seen Sandra Lee’s table scapes? I honestly put that show on just to see how ridiculous they are. Time for a mexican fiesta, better throw a pinata, sombrero, and little plastic bulls on the table. God help us…

    I have to admit I still watch the food network from time to time, but the older shows are def. the better ones. Molto Mario is my fav.

    CJ on

  • okay, but ace of cakes is one of the best reality shows ever!! the biggest drama of each episode is when the fondant starts melting.

    saaara on

  • Oh, and I forgot to mention, what the hell is a “Barefoot Contessa”?! And why the hell would I want anyone barefoot—contessa or otherwise—making food for me. How about I get a show called the “Assless-Chaps Mixologist?” Yeah, would you like an extra dirty martini? WTF?!!!?

    Paystyle on

  • I don’t like Barefoot Contessa for the same reasons I’d hate Barefoot Batali or Barefoot Bourdain. In other words, I don’t want barefootedness to be associated w/anyone associated w/food, especially if it’s a tv show—unless that show is called “Cooking with the Kombai Tribe” and it’s on Nat Geo.

    Paystyle on

  • Wow, this is way beyond observatory, this is pushing sanity. Who cares if their is a minor storyline behind the show? I don’t know why everyone seems to hate Barefoot Contessa, but her food is actually quite good. I dont really pay attention to these alleged ‘over dramatized’ story lines, but I think her food is rich and very delectable. Everyone should just get over it, that goes for Giada as well.

    Anonymous on

  • Ok, I can’t let this Ace of Cakes nonsense continue further without remarking. Regardless of how you feel about what they do on the show (and they do make interesting looking “things” and such), it is fairly clear that one thing they don’t do is make cakes. Unless cakes are pastries that aren’t meant to be eaten.

    They make structures that look nice (most of the time) and happen to be techinically edible due to the invention of fondant, which is basically sugar in semi-rubberized form. It doesn’t taste great. It tastes like plain sugar. My wedding cake had fondant on it, which made it look fantastic, but nobody ate the fondant itself. Luckily what was inside, which would be the cake, tasted great.

    The show makes no pretense of giving a crap about tasty cakes. So who cares about that? How wonderful to create something that looks like a monster truck made of edible rubber.

    Paystyle on

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