Umami Mart Sake
Newlyweds Beth and Darren just bought a really dope, spacious 2 bedroom in the Upper West Side, right off of Central Park West. That's Park with a capital P. Married people like to live near Central Park so they can say things like, "We just went running in the Park" or "We just got back from walking dog's name here in the Park".

I live about an hour away from the Park, which conceivably says everything about me.

Beth's fridge is heavily stocked with just about anything you want, all from Fairway (the only other reason to go to the Upper West Side). To save money, her and Darren have a pact to never go out for lunch or dinner except for special occasions. Good for them!!! I've made that pact with myself too. Um, yeah.

So what do married people have in their fridge? Let's find out.

Married people get their groceries delivered from Fairway. Dreamy.

Freezer: many frozen pizzas and fruit. Married people keep bags and bags of frozen fruit around so they can make smoothies with the blender they got from the bridal registry. They spike it with rum when they want to live on the edge a little.

Married people freeze their glasses for beer.

Beth, not married people, freezes her bananas before they rot to oblivion. She does this so she can make her husband banana bread in the middle of the night.

Fridge: I told you it was crazy stocked.

A single Bud amongst the condiments in the fridge door. Love it.
C'mon guys, this is so 80s.

Married people make their own salad dressing, and keep them in cute jars.
Married people put their eggs where they are supposed to go.

Two huge grapefruit, a bottle of bubbly, and a can of whipped cream, all in one shot. There were a total of 3 bottles of champagne in their fridge. Married people like to have it around for when people "drop-in" unexpectedly.
Bags of flour tortillas for midnight snackysnacks. I used to live with Beth in college, and let me attest that she makes bombass quesadillas.
Cheesefest! Married people like to experiment with expensive cheeses I've never heard of before. But I love Beth cause she keeps it real and will never abandon Velveeta. EVER.

Something they got from her neighbors as a welcome gift. It's an Indian sweet that comes in a tin can and sounds really good. Soft cheese balls! Let's see how long it takes for them to open this. A year? 3 years? I bet Darren throws this out while Beth is not looking when they move out.

Organic tofu!

"Honey, what kind of sandwich do you want for lunch today? Roasted turkey or smoked turkey?"

Roasted bell peppers.
Married people eat their vegetables.

Their fridge was a bit bizarre- a piece of styrofoam divided it from the freezer.

Also, apparently the fridge gets so cold that food labels get stuck to the sides and won't come off.

Married people will bake you cookies (two different kinds!), when you come over for dinner.

Married people sip wine from fine crystal glasses they got as wedding gifts. Why anyone would let me go near their crystal is beyond me.

Alright so we'll stop there. Just a little glimpse for all you single folk of what married life is like. Or at least what's in the fridge. Getting married has never been high on my list of things to do, but this actually doesn't look so bad. Especially if I can get a high-powered blender out of it.

*What's in your fridge? Email pics to umamimart@gmail.com

An aside from Beth:
"We actually already opened and had some of the Gulabjaman, they are cheese balls- how would you think I wouldn't try them? :)"

MY BAD!!!
Column: Fridgin Out
Tags:

7 comments

  • at this point, everyone i eat with gets annoyed with me for taking pics of food. especially at restaurants, when i won’t let them eat until i get a decent pic. oy.

    dude beth is the bomb wifey, i’ll tell you that much! i would marry her any day.

    kayoko on

  • Did Beth and Darren ever get annoyed at all the pictures you took during the evening? You should have asked to sleep in bed with them at night and snap pictures of them while sleeping – that would have been funny.

    This marriage thing is totally working out for Darren….. banana bread in the middle of the night – lucky!

    SVB on

  • I need to borrow Beth for a while…I miss the banana bread!!! I have frozen, rotten bananas in my freezer just waiting to become bread…

    jill on

  • I need to borrow Beth for a while…I miss the banana bread!!! I have frozen, rotten bananas in my freezer just waiting to become bread…

    jill on

  • funniest post ever. anyone with gulabjaman in the fridge is all right by me.
    hey you might be far from central park but your a hop away from Prospect Park! xoxoxo

    ayagwa on

  • OK. I am not married….and probably never will be but I am pretty sure that this fridge is not the average married couples fridge. 8 different kinds of cheese at any given time, all the ingredients needed to have your own bake off, not normal. And I know that ice cream in the freezer has been there for well over a year. The best part is they brought that old ass ice cream over from their old place when they moved last month. Love it.

    Anonymous on

  • aya! stop blowin my cover!!!

    kayoko on

Leave a comment

Please note: comments must be approved before they are published