Holiday Gift Guide
Figs!

Fig season is upon us! They are like fleshy pink dewdrop kisses that look like... don't make me say it. Don't!

...

Fine, they look like VAGINA, ok? OK?? Happy now? God, you guys are such perverts!

Figs!

No seriously, they do, right? They are such sexual creatures! Turns out, they really are quite the promiscuous fruit. Look what Wiki says:

The syconium often has a bulbous shape with a small opening (the ostiole) at the outward end that allows access to pollinators. The flowers are pollinated by very small wasps that crawl through the opening in search of a suitable place to lay eggs. Without this pollinator service fig trees cannot reproduce by seed. In turn, the flowers provide a safe haven and nourishment for the next generation of wasps. This accounts for the frequent presence of wasp larvae in the fruit, and has led to a coevolutionary relationship.

Wasps and figs. Getting it on, reproducing, providing one another with "nourishment". Mmmhmmm, I get it.

Figs!

So, homosapiens: It's time to go get your fig on, before they exit the markets in a blink of an eye and we are left limp, waiting for them to reproduce as they hump wasps all year long.

What whores!
Tags:

10 comments

  • A short tale about my worst fig experience: I was walking through an alley at night (slightly buzzed) and knowingly passed a backyard fig tree that had fruits hanging over the fence. Picked a fig and took a massive bite. Shortly thereafter, with the bitten fig in hand, I started to feel little creepy crawlies on my hand. Once under a bit more of light, I looked at the fig and much to my chagrin discovered the fig had a chewy ant center! Ugh.

    I’m an ant murderer, but will still eat figs off a tree, just with a bit more inspection.

    Ps. This story has no sexual undertones at ALL.

    chiara on

  • Sorry, Yama + all you gay boys out there.

    In this case, you shouldn’t eat oysters or papaya. They all look like vagina to me!

    kayoko on

  • I barfed a little. No more figs for me.

    Yamahomo on

  • Doesn’t it look more like a testicle chopped in half?

    Anders on

  • Figs are my favorite.

    Shawn on

  • Yama- I was hesitant to ask such a personal question, but… I knew you would answer! Ha.

    Let us know once you get a hold of a medical book. We are all curious now about how a testicle looks like chopped in half.

    kayoko on

  • Please don’t ask such a question on INTERNET. Yes I have seen them. Gaga was so awesome, and I have a new respect for her. If inside of the balls look like figs, I need to find some medical book and see it for myself. Shape, though, is very testicle-y.

    Yamahomo on

  • Yama- Question: Have you ever seen a real vagina? Be honest now. PS- How was Gaga last night?

    Chiara- Ants are very Daliesque, hence, very sexual indeed. Gross story though, for real.

    Shawn- That’s my boy.

    Anders- OUCH!!!

    kayoko on

  • Funny post, but those are Mission figs. So those “vaginas” didn’t eat any insects to reproduce. The dried figs (tan color skin) that usually come stacked shaped like a round wheel are the only variety that eat insects to reproduce.

    Luis on

  • google image “testicles”, and you will NOT be able to eat fig any more… I am still shocked by the graphics of them. It’s probably worse than vagina google images.

    Yamahomo on

Leave a comment

Please note: comments must be approved before they are published