Sake
In the world of food blogs, it's a rare occasion to see a recipe gone bad. Gorgeous, mouthwatering foodporn shots of well-prepared, perfectly crisped, braised and roasted dishes abound in the blogosphere. But what about all the times when your master creations have totally FAILED???

So today, I'm going to talk about how I totally screwed up an extremely simple go-to party food: Devils on Horseback, or, bacon-wrapped dates. My parents were going to a Superbowl party so I thought I would be nice and make something for them to bring- the Devils are always major party-pleasers, as well as being quick and easy for the cook. Everyone wins. Unless you fuck up!

I have made this plenty of times before so just randomly pulled this recipe off the web for reference.

Ingredients: bacon, dates, toothpicks and optional soysauce.


Roll up each date with a 1/2 piece of bacon. People also add blue cheese, shrimp, chutney, etc. in with the dates but I just kept it simple.


Recipe said to dip in soysauce, so I tried it, despite my skepticism. Also added mirin to the mixture to add some sweetness. Tell me, why must Asians put soysauce in EVERYTHING???


Stick in toothpick. This tray only took about 15 minutes!


Alright, here is when things started going awry.

The recipe said: "Put on a broiling pan and broil until bacon is crisp," I read this as: "Put pan in broiler." I figured, 10 minutes? Sure, why not. I set the timer and went to my room to surf the net.

FAIL #1: WTF is wrong with you? Don't you know how to read???

Suddenly I hear my dad yelling, "It's burning!" I ran to the kitchen and sure enough, my poor baby dates in bacon were hellishly burnt.


FAIL #2: Not only burnt, but swimming in an inch of grease! Ew! Should have used a cooking rack. Also, won't use Oscar Meyer ever again.

Now my dad is a chef and so presentation and aesthetics are everything to him. He tried to help me salvage the poor Devils, by taking them apart and turning the bacon over to cover the char, but let's be real, these were just not edible.


In the end I threw out over half.


These were still ok...

... until I took a bite and realized, FUCK, THESE AREN'T PITTED!!! UGHHHH!!!

FAIL #3: Where on earth does it say "pitted" on here??? Pay attention, Kayoko!


There you have it, folks, a very honest Kitchen Folly. Not to say that you would ever be as careless as I was on Sunday, but I hope, at the very least, you will learn from my mistakes. I mean, I hope I learn from my own mistakes too!

PS: The edible ones turned out tasting ok, despite the seeds. The soysauce definitely adds a nice mellow saltiness to it.
Column: Kitchen Follies
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10 comments

  • Remind me to post about the time over Christmas holiday Aya and I tried to make Xiao Long Bao (soup dumplings) from scratch. That’s right, skins, the soup, the whole 9.

    XLB FAIL

    tmonkey on

  • Don’t assume the simplicity=easy. But I cannot believe bacon dates can be screwed up.. Didn’t you feel pits when you were sticking toothpicks in? They are pretty tough…
    Yoko, cake baking is tricky. As you saw in my macaron battle, things don’t go the way you want. Repetition and patience is the key.

    Yamahomo on

  • OMG Tmonkey- that is so intense!!! I would love to get the back story of even attempting such a crazy venture.

    Yoko- get some tips from Yamahomo! I’m the worst baker myself so I feel your pain, except I start getting nervous while I’m still measuring the ingredients. I have the tendency to forget how many spoonfuls of whatever I’ve already put into the bowl…

    kayoko on

  • I tried baking a Strawberry Cake for a potluck last week and felt so apprehensive at the batter stage that I abandoned it. Failure accounts are perhaps better lessons than flawlessly successful accounts.
    My crab-stuffed mushrooms came out great though.

    yoko on

  • Yamahomo, yeah, I should have realized when the toothpick wasn’t going all the way through…

    Chef the City- what’s your kitchen folly? Care to share???

    kayoko on

  • no jokes, this is one of my fave blog posts in a long, long while… not just honest but literally LOL (when you got to #3 i think … about them having pits still in them). i think this should def be turned into a food blog tag game!

    kayce. on

  • Melissa- I’ve baconned you!!!

    http://bacolicio.us/http://melissagoodtaste.blogspot.com/

    kayoko on

  • i love bacon… boo on the dates havin pits.

    Melissa Good Taste on

  • @kayoko believe me i have some… i am working on a project for a yt vid right now and i expect some follies. if i do have some, i will document them and share for sure! :))

    kayce. on

  • this was one of the funniest posts of late.

    ayagwa on

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