I like to think that I have sharp instincts and a knack for good flavors in the kitchen-- my parents are both professional chefs, as is my brother. So in theory, I should be a supernatural.
But something in the kitchen always goes horribly wrong when I am asked to follow a recipe to make anything sweet. I just can't do it! It's a combination of extreme ADD, my lack of scientific know-how, and the recipe never warning you of what NOT to do. It's never my fault, right?
I got really excited a few weeks ago when I found meyer lemons at Trader Joe's so I bought a few packs. I figured I would bake something with them, but the ever-present sloth in me took over and so I went for this meyer lemon curd recipe from The House of Annie instead, sent over to me by Matt who liked the recipe. All I had to do is zest lemons, add sugar and eggs and stir over the stove for 15 minutes! PERFECT.
Zesting all these lemons- PAIN IN THE ASS.
Heart my juicer.
Just add everything into a bowl! That's it! Optimism level: 10
Minute 1. Put in pot over medium heat. Optimism level: Still 10.
Minute 3. Recipe says to whisk until it thickens. It does not. Optimism level: 5.
Minute 8. It's not thickening so I start to think that maybe the heat is too low? I turn it up, the curd starts to boil a little, and finally thickens. Stir frantically to keep it from burning on the bottom. Optimism level: 7.
Minute 10. Turn the heat down and it bubbles a little, but I keep stirring.
Minute 13. I start seeing these specks of white lumps. What is that? I figure it'll boil down. Keep stirring. Optimism level: 8.
Minute 16. Lumps are not going down. WTF. Optimism level: 3.
Minute 21. White clumps do not go away. I frantically text Matt.
Kayoko: My lemon curd is super lumpy and curdy! Was yours like that?
Matt: No. You must've fucked up the eggs?
Kayoko: Fuck me.
(I realize right after I hit send that this last line could be interepreted in other ways. OOPS!)
Minute 23. I surrender to Meyer Lemon Curd Fail. Optimism level: Negative 5000.
I then get a text from Matt, "Get the eggs and butter to room temp first then add easy."
GREAT, THANKS! Never got that memo!
I get it now. I shouldn't have turned up the heat, which probably cooked the eggs too much. Any other insight?
I hope you learn from my Kitchen Follies!