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goat9

I was never a big fan of tits.

Maybe when I was a wee infant, but these days I have absolutely no interest. Women's tits, elephant tits, it's all a blur. Even if the coolest dinosaurs had tits, I'd still prefer a frozen daiquri and the newest episode of Project Runway.

Except, sometimes the stuff that comes out of tits is quite interesting.

Goat cheese, for example.

Not the yellowish, hard, rubbery kind that you find in Norway. But the French white kind that tastes of countryside, sunshine and wool.

I am allergic to dairy products, but bring on the pain because when I have guests over, my favorite starter is the Goat's Tits Surprise. (Surprise as in, "Look what came out of that animal's titties!").

It's an Italian inspired starter, and it goes well with white wine or whatever (talk to someone else about wine, it all tastes the same to me).

Here's what you need for four peeps:

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* A roll of French goat cheese (where are the tits on that goat? I hope this cheese came out of the right orifice!)
* Wholegrain toast bread (white also ok, but I like it more naturific)
* One tomato (maybe two if you're feeling like more sauce)
* Pine seeds (nuts)
* Fresh basil
* Honey
* White wine vinegar (not in picture)

Start out by turning on your oven to 200˚C (about 400˚F).

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Then you can start toasting the loaves like a few minutes on each side. Not too much!

While the toaster is working, let's make the cold tomato sauce.

Place the tomato(s) in a blender.

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Drop a spoonfull of honey into it as well.

Pour about two spoons of white wine vinegar into the blender.

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Add salt and pepper. We're going for a sweet/sour taste.

Press the blend button. It's been a bad bad fruit and it needs to be punished. (Tomatoes are actually fruits).

By now the mixture should look like this.

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Taste it to make sure the balance is right and that it isn't too sweet or sour.

The toast is done now and ready for honey.

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Smear a thin layer of honey on the crusty loaves. I prefer this flowingly golden Danish heather honey which is rare to find during some years and is quite pricey. But it's superb.

Cut the cheese (!)

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Cover the loaves with a good layer of the goat cheese. Don't be a cheapskate!

Sprinkle a helping of pine nuts on each loaf and stick them in the oven.

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200 C for about five minutes. The cheese must be melting and the pine seeds browning. Take them out before they go charcoal.

Pour fine circles of the cold tomato sauce around and on top of each toast. Finish off with a nice basil leaf and serve warm and steamy.

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And bon appetit! Experience the magic of breasts!

NB: This might be a whole meal for small drag queens and dwarfs (same thing, I guess), so you can easily cut a loaf in half and serve triangles or even smaller bits. Perfect for those warm Skankynavian summer barbecue nights.
Column: Skankynavia
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8 comments

  • I love that last photo. This looks so good! I am a huge fan of the cheese and honey combo.

    yoko on

  • What a fun toaster! I bet you can cook fish (or korean style bbq!)on it too. I love tits. I don’t like what comes out of it, since I don’t like cheese, but I love the feel of soft boobies.

    Yamahomo on

  • Open your horizons!! Gay=hate boobs are so 2000. Though I don’t like guys with tits, girls boobs are so much fun to poke.

    yamahomo on

  • @Yama: it’s a standard toaster here in Denmark, yes looks a bit like a barbecue I guess. Frying fish on it would not be recommendable though… unless you’re one of the Thai prostitutes sleeping on floor madrasses in the basement of our building (not kidding)
    Regarding boobs: liking them is not normal. You’re supposed to be gay – accept it!

    @Yoko: Oh I’m so sad I didn’t get to make you this when you were here. Please make it for Washi instead.

    Anders on

  • This ridic conversation reminds me of my favorite gay in the village.

    http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CjUSdfKPVQk&feature=related

    ps- this is the SKANKYest post yet, Anders. loved it.

    pps- Yama’s right, embrace it. BOOBIES ARE FUN!

    kayoko on

  • How was it? Are you a boob lover now?

    Yamahomo on

  • Ok, I give up. Nohting can be worse than being a year 2000 gay. I promise I will at least try to touch one boob before the sun sets today.

    Anders on

  • Kayoko, are you saying I and Anders should fight for the right to be the only gay on Umami? One is gay, the other is only “puffy” is what you want?

    Yamahomo on

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