Umami Mart Registry

I am sure you have been wondering for a week what the hell I was going to do with Barbie doll.  I must say, this journey was one of the most hilarious baking experiences I've ever gone through.

I made a birthday cake for a friend of mine, let's call him Deric Dercep, to keep his identity somewhat of a secret. He likes to dress up (if you know what I mean), and my first instinct was to make a cake that shapes like a high heel. You just cut out a rectangular cake to make it look like a heel, then decorate it. But it's not that interesting. Then I was looking around what else I can do, and BINGO, I found it. A princess doll cake. These cakes are usually made for young girls' birthdays, but come to think of it, it's very X-rated and erotic. If you are easily offended by pornographic images, you may stop reading here. I cannot believe Barbie dolls are targeted towards kids.

This is how I did it.

Since I am also making MOdelaines for dessert, I made this cake, purely for wow and laughter factor. I used box cake mix and frosting from a tub.  I NEVER use the pre-made stuff, but I first wanted to see if this cake is really worth all the work. Plus the party was only 6 people, I didn't want to make the way what recipe called for (serves 30).

First thing first: buy a barbie doll. Since all you need is the body, get the cheapest. By the way, Barbie dolls come in a crazy varieties nowadays, from Twilight to VERY sexy Ken to Bieber! I bought "Fashionista Glam" Barbie, purely for her hair do. This is very drag queen-style, I thought.


Strip her.


I am not going to mention anything here.  Let the comments go wild. Can you see her engraved panty?

Then wrap her in saran wrap (if you are planning to throw out the doll, no need to go through this process, but since I was giving Barbie as a gift, so I wrapped her).


Very Lady Gaga style, don't you think?  Speaking of which, I should have put X-marks on her boobies for an even harder laugh when he takes the Barbie out of the cake!!!

Barbie prep work is now finished.

Instead of baking two boxes of cake mix (what the recipe called for), I just made one dome-shaped (using a bowl), and one regular 8-inch round.



Then I bought styrofoam to use as a base layer. I cut a hole in the center to hold Barbie up.



The reason why I wrapped this in plastic wrap was because the round was a bit too wide compared to the cake, so I shaved off a layer, which resulted in styrofoam crumbs everywhere. I didn't want to have styrofoam in mouth when eating this cake, so I tightly wrapped the foam with nice Japanese plastic wrap. American wrap would never be able to pull off this kind of tight seal.

Three tubs of vanilla frosting, added a few drops of red dye to make a nice pink color.


Now the fun construction starts. Barbie awaits her dress to be fitted here.


Use frosting as the adhesive and place styrofoam layer on the cardboard (or whatever you are using as base).


Place round cake over styrofoam, carefully aligning the hole in the center.


Then cut the dome cake in half, add more frosting, and stack them together. Place Barbie in the center.


Crumb coat the entire "skirt". I thought putting frosting on saran wrap would be hard, but it was actually pretty easy.


Since you are decorating so much later on, I didn't bother to smooth out the surface.

Keep her in fridge for about 45 minutes.


Celebration starts already, standing right next to Veuve.

Now it's time to go crazy.  Bring out your Sarah Burton lace skills and Vera Wang's chiffon technique.








I had a photo shoot with her.  Here are some action shots.



This is just like Kate Middleton on her royal wedding day... sort of...


Now, to get the cake was safely transported to my friend's apartment downtown. Just like the epic wedding cake experience, NYC is not a good city for transporting cakes at all. Our cab driver drove like a crazyman, and I was so afraid her head may tilt.  Thankfully, the round shape was very sturdy and she kept her figure very well.


I put her dress in her hand. The real hilarity starts here.


So embarrassing for her to reveal the lower parts of the body.


Now her bottom part is totally visible. She is always smiling though. What a girl!


People liked the actual cake. This made me feel pretty sad. I ALWAYS make cakes from scratch, but this was a boxed one, with quite disgusting frosting from a tub--is this what my friends like? I may need to find different friends who appreciates my real efforts...

Once you finish eating your cake, what do six gay guys do? Of course play with barbie, with frosting, and additional props.

CAUTION: This is not appropriate for children beyond this point.


I found a nice bikini piece (strawberry top). Kayoko made me fuzz out her boobs and cha-cha.


Talk to the hand!


Soaking in a pink bubble bath. Do you see her torso next to her head?


Even after her entire body parts were disjointed, she is still smiling.


We laughed soooo hard throughout this process, and when we saw all the pictures, we laughed even harder. There were some seriously X-rated photos--if you dare, take a look. Some of the pictures look pretty gross and very real.

As I said, Barbie dolls are not for kids. Or, I should say that Barbie dolls can be enjoyed both by kids and adults.

If you want to impress party guests, this is definitely one of the best way to go. I think I will continue making this cake for future occasions.
Column: ReCPY


  • I thought this post would generate million comments…

    yamahomo on

  • OMG, what an art piece! she looks like TYRA (not the female one but the drag queen from season 2 of RuPaul’s drag race). Really pretty and very truly draggy. love it.

    mika on

  • Yamahomo,

    This is just incredible! The flickr photos are art. I love it, keep this coming.

    Bryan on

  • Awesome! I love it! Now, I want to see the Japanese version Rika chan.

    Nobuko Oshima on

  • What a night of debauchery! And you are such an artiste. I’m going to go and check out those x-rated pics.

    sakura on

  • You are my hero and my true pervy food blog mentor.

    Anders on

  • omg. SO HILARIOUS!

    I was DYINGGGGGGGGG of laughter. :) Thanks for sharing!!! :D

    esther on

  • This cake is soooooo pretty! My grand daughter just turned 5 and I’m making her an elegant tea party and now I can make this pretty doll cake as the center piece for the table! Thank you so much for sharing I would have been lost with out your step by step instructions.

    Ann on

  • Your posts always crack me up! This was no exception. I love the way you blurred out her lady parts… hilarious!

    Sandy on

  • I am going to use this as a model for a special pride cake in couple of weeks. Can you imagine cakes are all rainbow colors, plus potentially using body of Ken, face of Barbie, and something to resemble penis. It may be too x rated to blog….

    yamahomo on

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